Do You Dare?
I was jamming out to my ipod today as I took on the monumental task of organizing the work shelves at The Well. Kim Walker’s album came on. I love her music, mostly for the spontaneity of it. Half of her songs on this particular album are labeled simply Spontaneous Song 1, 2, etc. One phrase struck me today and I have been meditating on it.
Do you dare look into the eyes of love?
I was reminded of the risk we take when we pursue the very heart of God. A few years ago I was totally smacked in the face with the reality of this risk. Basically I was at a critical threshold and God was asking “Will you let Me love you in the fullness of who I am?” Below is a journal entry/blog from 2006 that describes my response.
The more I find out about God, the more I find myself confused, sobered and uncertain of the next step. When I moved to Cairo, I had to come face to face with a God I had never known up until that point. A God I wasn’t sure I could deal with, or accept. One of great love, but love in a way I have never seen. A God that shows compassion and justice, but cannot tolerate sin and executes judgement. Buddy Christ was gone from my life and the Lion of the Tribe of Judah was set before me. It has been hard to deal with this lion, I aint gonna lie. I didn’t know what to do with him. I still don’t on many days. I walk cautiously around him, eyeing him in awe and bewilderment. And he stands there staring back at me, waiting patiently. A few times I have come close enough to stretch out my hand and touch him. He has let me stroke his mane. I have felt incredibly safe in his presence and wanted to stay there with him. I know he would let me, that he even wanted me to stay. As soon as I felt comfortable, he would let out a loud roar. Doubt and confusion fly through the air and hit me like an arrow. Maybe this isn’t so good after all. I don’t understand why he is roaring. I don’t understand why it scares me so much. His power is displayed and there I go, booking it back to the perimeter and thus begins our watching and staring contest once again. I know there is a sadness in his eyes that grows each time I play road runner, but I can’t help it. I don’t know what I think will happen if I just stay beside him in the midst of all the roaring. Maybe that I will get swallowed up in the backlash, or that I won’t be able to stand in the midst of whatever happens after.
What is the alternative, though? Sure, I could run back to my buddy Christ and fling myself into his arms. I can try to find comfort in that version of Jesus once again. I am sure he would welcome me back Maybe I would be comforted for awhile. But I would know that this Jesus I am clinging to is just my own taylor- made opiate for the masses. I am just burning more offerings on the altar of idolatry. That’s right. Idolatry. It is not some golden calf or wooden statue, but it is not Him in His fullness. Accepting anything less is not accepting Him.
I guess I am sharing this to encourage you (and myself, 3+ years later) to continue to trust Him. The root issue of all that hoopla in my life boiled down to one simple thing: I didn’t trust God’s goodness and love in my life to be enough. When that trust is fully rooted in the depths of who I am, I can approach His throne of grace with confidence and see Him for who He really is, and not just who I want Him to be. And that really is the safetest, most loving place we as His children can be.
So, let Him love you today. I dare you 🙂
