An Introduction. And A Trip Down Memory Lane.

                                

After
a long, emotionally draining week, I needed some laughter. Ok, I
know what you all are thinking-judging from what I communicate to the
outside world, every week is emotionally draining. But this week,
in the aftermath of one staff member choosing to leave and having to
fire four of my Youth Enterprise teens-my nerves were frayed. I
prayed to God, asking, “Lord, I just want some laughter”.
Something that I can just laugh like a maniac about and it just be
ridiculously funny, with no undertones of seriousness or deepness.
Just straight-up superficial funny. Well, my friends, be careful
what you ask for-you just might get it….

It
all started with my cleaning schedule. For a whole month, we have a
section of the community center we are responsible to keep clean.
For this month, I have the kitchen. Yesterday, as I was doing my
respective duties, I noticed most of our dish rags and towels were
dirty. There is a big laundry bag full of them. I don’t think we
have washed any since we have been here, but have just now run out
b/c we have a bunch left over from the Youthworks! summer. I noticed
people had tossed some in some plastic bags b/c they were wet and
nasty-having been used to clean the bathrooms and what-not. So, I
decided to take the whole thing to my house and wash them. I grabbed
the laundry bag, and the plastic walmart bags around it that were
full of rags too. I put all this in the back of my blazer. I was
then distracted by other duties and before I knew it, it was time for
Groundzero (our open night for teens on Sat. nights) The rags would
have to wait. So, they chilled outside in my car for about 4 hours.
After Groundzero, my roommate and I got in my car. Immediately, a
funky smell was evident. “Ugh”, I said, lets get these in
the washer stat.” So, Heather and I raced home. I thought the
smell was from the wet ones souring. There was a slightly different
twang in the air than that of simply soured wet rags, but I saw the
particularly nasty one that Sharon used on the bathroom floors today
and contributed it to that. We drug the bag downstairs and started
dumping them in, rushing b/c we were going to watch a movie at the
other house. I was tearing open the bags of wet ones and dumping
them in quickly, not even really looking at them. After I had dumped
a particularly small bag in (I assumed it had the offense bathroom
one in it), the smell of poop became overwhelming. “DANG”, I
said, “these rags smell like crap.” Heather looked into the
washer she just began to fill with water. “Jess! It IS CRAP”.
I looked down, and lo and behold, a big fatty of a Mr. Hanky was
chilling on top of the rags as laundry water began to splash over it.
Upon closer inspection, I saw that there was more. I quickly
turned the water off. Heather and I commenced to cracking up,
falling on the floor dissolved into uncontrollable laughter,
shrieking. Gary and Sharon, the couple we live with, came down to
see what we were making all the noise about at 11:00 at night.
Sharon saw me laying on the basement floor, laughing and crying. She
said “What is wrong? Why are you rolling around on that
nasty floor?!” I said, “Go over and look in the washer .”
“OH GROSS!” she exclaimed backing way. That made Heather
and I start cracking up again. I then began to put the pieces
together. I remember a couple of days before, Sara’s dog Annabelle
had pooped a few times on the kitchen floor. She must have cleaned
it up, put it in a bag and set it off to the side to throw away, but
forgot. The poopy bag was sitting next to some rag bags and I scooped
it all up in my haste, failing to examine it closely. Or at all, to
be honest. So, it being my fault for bringing the surprise home, I
go grab some paper towels to extract the brown kids from the washer.
Heather helps by holding up a bag for me to throw them into. I
approach the washer with caution. We luckily stopped the washer from
getting them too wet, but some mushiness had set in. SICK. Heather,
who has the gag reflex of someone with food poisoning, was gagging
and convulsing. I sucked in my breath and dove in for the stuff. I
fished it out as quickly as possible, took the bag to the garbage
outside and washed my hands 4 times. We also washed all the rags on
hot to get the poop remnants out. Done and done. I get the idiot
award for the evening.

We
went to the other house and told the tale. Everyone had a laugh. I
told Annabelle her poop was nasty and I never wanted to handle it
again. She just wagged her tail and jumped on me. I would think of
it once every half hour or so and just start cracking up again. It
was one of the grossest things I think I have ever done. But, hey,
it made me laugh harder than I have in a very long time.

The
moral of the story, kids? Closely examine everything in an obscure
walmart bag. Especially if you are dumping it in a washing machine.
And be sure to fall on the floor laughing every once in awhile. It’s
good for the soul.