A Reminder

Dry, empty, tapped out, lethargic. This has been my spirit these last couple of weeks. Have you ever been in such need for something that you can’t even muster up the strength to desire it anymore? I knew it had gotten bad when I would rather lay on my bed watching an America’s Next Top Model marathon than spend time with Jesus. It all just seemed like effort. In the midst of a hard transition into AIM, getting back involved in the church I grew up in, and virtually no community or spiritual nourishment, I have very little energy left over for effort these days. I pretty much fled to the House of Prayer in Atlanta tonight, seeking a place to just be. I needed God to sing over me. I needed to just be in His presence. Nothing profound, no huge heavenly revelation. Just Him. The worship team began to sing this song and God began to break through the walls around my heart in the midst of it.

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath
The weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize how beautiful you are
And how great your affections are for me

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yeah he loves us
Oh how He loves us

We are his portion
And he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart burns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way
He loves us

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yeah he loves us
Oh how he loves us

“I don’t have time to maintain these regrets”. That verse of the song just resonated in my spirit. I have alot of regrets. I beat myself up alot about the things I do. Or don’t do. I know I have been avoiding Him for the past couple of weeks. Life has gotten tough and it is taking a toil. And each day that passed that I didn’t have my “quiet time” like a good little Christian, guilt weighed on me heavier and heavier. I became ashamed to come before Him, because I knew better. It is amazing how we allow the enemy to twist things in our minds. God began to speak softly to my spirit tonight. Simple things. Things about his love, his character, how he cares for me. How can I waste my time, energy, and thoughts on these regrets, these “afflictions eclipsed by glory”? He doesn’t love what I do. Or don’t do. He just wants me. He is jealous for me. I run around trying to do everything to please Him, and all He wants is for me to crawl up in His lap for awhile.

Thank you, Abba, for allowing me to sink in your ocean of grace for awhile. Teach me how to live there.

Here is the author of the song, at the Call Nashville this past summer, telling the story behind the song. I don’t actually remember him being there, but this could have very well been hour 10 into fasting, sunburn and dehydration, so everything was a little blurry 😉 Nevertheless, very powerful.